by say

There were three trains going north and my mother took the first. "If she had waited fifteen minutes, her life would likely have been cut short by a catastrophic accident. If she had waited half an hour, she would have watched the first train derail before she met a similar fate. As it was, she met your father with a corn cob pipe and a faded brown jacket and they lived happily ever after. The end."

haha...hahahahaha that's really super funny stuff

That would be a legend. I would rather tell you a story my mother told me, but I am not quite sure that it came from my family. I can’t find it on the internet, though, so it must be true! Just kidding. It also may be rather terrible, but I remember it pretty well.

Before the days when chewin tobacca was bought an sold in a homeostatic environment, they used ta keep it down under the cool sawdust roofs in a little red barn out back the store. They also had cats, sos to keep them mice out at night and such. They made a little cat door in the chewin tobacca barn so the cats could come and go as they liked. Now Tom Tompkins was a little wee boy, just bout your age, and he fancied fetching hisself some chewin tobacca. He aksed his papa if he could have him some chewin tobacca but his papa said nosiree, you need more years on your shoulders before you can have none of that. Now Tom Tompkins was not about to forget it so easy, and he looked hard at that cat door, and he thought. And lo an behold, that very night, he was a coming back with his soft shoes on. The floor and the garden he makes were silent and he skittered away like a mariner backed with a fine old wind from out The Gulf. The moon makes at his shadow long and tall, like he were grown. He whistles a bit when he’s crossing the old footbridge, an then he stops at this sound. Its them big bullfrogs, and sounds like they’re talking to him! They say [must use vocal sound effects for the frogs that I cannot describe without demonstration] “Taaam Tamkyns. Taaam Tamkyns.” He gets gooseflesh an keeps his feet north. Pretty soon the bridge is over, but he don’t feel dandy no more. He gets a shiver when he gets to the store, goes out back and sticks his hand on in that cat door and GRABS [grab your daughter or son’s arm here, but not too violently or you may experience adverse affects of their displeasure] him some chewin tobacca. Then he makes home all a hurry. But look an listen, when he gets to that there footbridge [point emphatically here and start whispering] he gets all silent. But still he hears them big bullfrogs again. They say “Taaam Tampkins. Taaam Tampkins.” And as hes listenin harder he hears them medium lady frogs sayin “Stole. Stole.” An as hes listenin harder yet he hears them little baby croakers sayin “Tobaccatobaccatobaccatobaccatobaccatobaccatobacca!” An then them big frogs say “Pull im in. Pull im in.” An the little baby frogs scream “kneedeepandeeper!kneedeepandeeper!kneedeepandeeper!” Well, let me tell you [insert names of your children here], Tom Tompkins ran right on back to that store, he put back that chewin tobacca, and he never did steal again. And that’s my story.