by say

If I had two questions… no.
Aah what should I ask?
What am I looking for?
Oh oh there’s one!!! What am I looking for?
No. Actually I know exactly what I am looking for… and it is trouble!
Hmm… what to ask.
Is this real? Because if it isn’t, it doesn’t matter what I ask anyway. Then I guess I should ask for the definition of real.
This could go in circles or on tangential trails that lead to nothingness or everythingness, whichever is more confounding!
What… um… defines consciousness????
How about, why can’t I write to assignments? In all honesty, I just don’t fit in this slot. You want two questions from me. I went and gave you way too many, but they are all transitory.
I guess then I should look at me?
I am sarah turned to Say. But now I will capitalize my name! it is a vast improvement.
I always capitalized everyone else’s name.
I even capitalize ‘I’ now, as long as MS Word does it for me.
Why am I not good enough?
Hmmm there are explanations for that too. Anything can be explained away.
Let’s look at how I was raised, or, let’s look at my personality/disposition, and how well it clashes with the world.
This raises yet another question.
Why do I try to negate myself whenever I approach ‘good enough?’
Seriously, as soon as I get any good at anything, I quit.
I try to crush beauty where I see it.
That is weird.
What is weird?
Wait wait I am going to narrow this down.

Okay.
All rightey then.
Nono, absolutely.
Quantitative and qualitative data.
The power struggle between my hemispheres gives me problems.

Quantitative.

How much does this matter?

This is… any of this. Too often, it seems, you can formulaically achieve any eventuality.
So what goes into what comes out?
Why do they expect there to be only one route to our destinations?
What is destiny?
How much does this matter?

Qualitative.

What happens next?

That’s a silly question. I type some more dumb words, trying desperately to get an F. Haha, but it’s qualitative, so it has shoddy rationale. Tricky tricky.

These questions are simple and cliché. But, resolved in combination, these two questions would give the solver precognitive abilities.

I feel like I could do better on this if it weren’t an assignment.
Haha, think of it. An open-ended assignment. Well, I choose to etch a picture into this banana peel with my fingernail and then sleep the other question off. In the afternoon sun. Gosh, how could I spend all day writing and then flunk the assignment? And why do I suddenly have exclusive power over my letter grade? Of course, there is always the mightiness of suggestion to alter whatever your opinion might be.
But how much does that matter?

Preoccupation with grades is transitory, preoccupation with little things is like tattooing doom on the backs of your hands. When did I get so lost in words and thoughts?
Is being lost a bad thing?
I always found it sort of exciting… being lost. It’s like those books where you get to choose your own ending, and I always ended up making good decisions and then drowning in shark-infested waters.
But say these moments are all you get. Say one life is all you get, because it is all that you know that you get.
Then where does everything go?
It is a mad race for happiness. A mad race… for happiness.
It’s pathetic.
Is that all there is? Why am I asking these questions? What happens next?