by say

Sir –

I am sorry I have neglected to call you. This is not because I have been too busy; in fact, I have devoted practically every second of my life for the past three days to thoughts of you. I know it is your mother I should be missing, and that will hit me hard whenever it does and I will break down, etc.; but for now you are number one on my mind. How are you doing?

I also wanted to ask you if there is a reason for your silence. Are you telling me to keep out of places I don’t belong? Are you silently begging me to pursue someone for once? I know that it is most likely that you are doing neither, and thinking mom. I wish I could hurt for you.
I have lost what you have lost, but it is not the same at all. Not even close. I don’t know how you feel. I can only be sorry… I’m so sorry.

We all know sorry never helped any, though. It’s a silly compulsion.

I love you, and were I actually talking to you it would be the wrong time to say this, but since I am not: I always loved you, but I love you differently now. Cheesy, yes, but I love you better now, and I missed telling you that last week when you didn’t pick up the phone, and now there will never be an appropriate moment to say it. I wish there were no here and there Virginia to separate us… no fucking Georgia. I wish we all had more time.

Please, call me to vent or to ramble or to think aloud or to murmur or to sing or to yell obscenities or to dream or to cry or curse time or to say hi or to wish or to lie. Though I can’t see why you would.

Write me soon, I’ll be on the moon
Much love, and a hug
sarah.