tri-SARAH-tops

i'm going to be completely honest, probably 80% of this blog will be about something that we haven't been talking about in class. i do like english, but it's not really something that i want to spend 20 minutes writing about after class. plus it's a lot easier for me to talk about myself.
i hail from northern virginia; specifically alexandria. i went to edison high school in fairfax county, which is the richest county in northern virginia as well as the largest. there's over 10 schools in one small county. me and most of my friends lived on the main road, franconia, which is in the guiness book of world records for the street with the most churches. and no i'm not lying. driving down the road for not even 5 minutes, you'll see at least 3 schools and at least 5 churches -- in a row. edison high school really wasn't like any other highschool that i'd seen. cliques don't exist, really, everyone pretty muched talked to eachother. but because of that, there was always drama, especially with girls. and that is one of the main reasons why i was unbelievably happy to leave NoVA. considering that i've lived in a suburban setting for most of my life, richmond is the complete opposite. and i'm having to deal with plenty of withdrawls. i miss my cats, and my family, my car, and mostly my boyfriend. my boyfriend recently left for basic combat training in august; he's stationed in for benning, georgia. my roommates going to read this and think that i'm incredibly corny. it's been really hard for me, though, to not be able to talk to him or see him everyday. after spending mostly every second together, and now not being able to talk at all except though letters is unbelievably difficult. i hate to say it, but this is probably what most of my entries will be about. as a matter of fact, i just was able to talk to him about 30 minutes ago. i feel like i have to keep my phone with me at all times, because i have no idea when or if he'll be able to call me. it's extremely stressful. talking to him on the phone is soothing, but at the same time makes me even more stressed out. because he's at training, they limit the amount of pretty much anything he's allowed to do. which means that while i'm trying to get in as much of what i've been doing the past few days and listen to how he is, there's a woman in the background screaming, "one minute", "thirty seconds", and i start worrying that the phone is just going to cut off. in the end, however, i know that this is what he's wanted more than anything in a long time, and i couldn't be more proud of him. alright -- enough emotional stuff.
i'm really excited about classes actually getting started and everything. and i'm really excited about AFO. aaaand if you get to know me, i'm really nice. most of what i talk about is either my cats, or volkswagens, so if you're into that we can definately get along.
this felt like a good first entry.. i hope it was.

i really never thought that there'd be this much temptation in richmond. i was hoping that i would come down here to school and be completely involved with school and not have to deal with anything - or anyone - distracting me. unfortunately that isn't the case.
i got a phone call today from one of my boyfriend's friends who is stationed at Fort Benning, too. the first thing he said to me was "i know we're not that close, and we just started talking, but i just wanted to tell you not to break up with Wesley while he's at basic training". i really didn't know what to say. of course i would never do that. but wait, would i? i've never been a person to be able to say "no", but i feel like i've changed. but maybe i haven't. i told his friend that i couldn't picture myself being with anyone else, and that i'd never do anything to hurt Wesley, especially while he's helpless in Georgia working his ass off in 110 degree weather. am i that heartless?
his friend, who's name is Hawkins, told me that him and his girlfriend broke up when he was in basic. they're no longer together. when i asked him why they're not together anymore, he told me that she cheated on him. i could have figured as much.
i was confused as to why Hawkins had to call me to tell me not to cheat on my boyfriend. like he said, he doesn't know me that well, so where does he get off telling me this? the whole conversation was confusing, and almost depressing. i know that this is hard for both me and Wesley, as well as his family. and i keep hoping that he's not going to come back from training and be a completely heartless military freak. although Hawkins would not reassure me of this, Carolyn, Wesley's little sister, did. immediately after hanging up with Hawkins, i knew i needed to talk to Wesley's mom; but his little sister answered. Carolyn reassured me that nothing like that was going to happen, and that if he does change, that just means that he wasn't really the person i knew to begin with, and it would be ok. she also told me that i know wesley better than anyone -- even her, which was shocking.
i guess it's getting progressively less hard for me not being able to talk to a person that i spent practically 12 hours with for an entire month. but when i think about how long it'll be until i see him again, i begin to have a panic attack. i can't wait until the moment i see him, completely grown up out of the army. hopefully it'll be a happy moment, and not regrettable. i know that he's going to change, but i know it'll be for the better. not every person who comes out of the military ends up a stiff, non-emotional person. at least that's what i like to tell myself.

my roommate's writing her blog, and it kind of got me in the mood.
i've gotten really stressed out about school in the past 12 hours. i had my studio art class last night, and our teacher told us we had to have a roll of wire and three sets of pliers by thursday, which is tomorrow. and this poses a problem for me. because of the fact that i have $27 in my bank account, and just a little more than that on my RamBucks card, i haven't really been able to buy much. my mom and i can argue about this for hours on end, and get no where.
my mom gave me $500 dollars for graduation. and that was all the money that i got from her. yes, $500 is a lot, and yes it should have lasted me more than a month. but with buying gas, and food and everything else, it's really no wonder that it was gone as fast as it was. to be completely honest though, i have no idea how it was gone so fast. i did have a job, and i made maybe $200 a paycheck, which is nothing compared to my old job. but i spent those on something, too. i really don't know. all i know is that i'm left with $27 and at least $100 worth of supplies to buy. it's quite the predicament.
my mom and i have always been really close, in a best friends kind of way. but these past few years have been really tough. going through high school, my grades progressivly slipped as the years passed, and i was never really able to bring them up. i try to blame this on the fact that i was taking entirely IB courses, and it was really time consuming. but the truth is, i never really studied for anything. i have never really studied for anything, still. i'm not sure if it's just because i don't know how to study, or if i'm just way too lazy, but either way, it doesn't happen.
me and my boyfriend have a lot of the same personality aspects. laziness being one of them. after i had that conversation with Hawkins yesterday, i was really upset for the rest of the night. i felt like maybe i couldn't do this, and maybe it was a bad idea. but then it got worse. i got a text message from Hawkins at 9:42 last night saying "Okay don't take this the wrong way but after Wesley has been at Bragg for a week or two you need to break up with him". ... excuse me? what did this kid that i've never met before in my life just tell me to do? i realize that Hawkinds thinks that he's looking out for Wesley and that he thinks that they're really close and everything, but it is not his place to say that to me. ever. i told him that, and he apologized, after telling me not to break his heart, and that relationships that start before joining the military never work out. i told him that he better not say any of this to Wesley and try to twist my words around to make it sound like i'm thinking that it's not going to work. that was the one thing that i was really afraid of.
after that whole escapade, i called Wesley's mom to try to get some insight from someone who wasn't completely fucking retarded like Hawkins. she told me that Hawkins really knows nothing, that him and Wesley really aren't that close to begin with and i shouldn't listen to anything that he's telling me. His mom really wants us to be together for a while, which is creepy but at the same time kind of soothing. she tells me that one of her close friends has been with her husband for 17 years now, and they started dating before he went to basic. somehow that's supposed to make me feel better, but not everyone gets lucky.
hopefully everything will work out for the best. that's the last time that i talk to Hawkins though. and the next letter that i write to Wesley will be mostly about what a crazy fucker he is.

me and my roommate bought a fish the other day at Petsmart. it's a beta. it's vicious.
unfortunately the bowl is stinking up our entire dorm room. it smells like something very disgusting. you can hardly see through the bowl anymore because the water is so dirty. however, i don't know how to clean out the bowl without a net. i would try to pour the fish into a styrofoam cup and then clean it out after that, but the cups that we have are entirely too small for a fish the size that we have. and i can't do all of this by myself. and my roommate refuses to help me.
and we're going home this weekend, which means that we have to do something with the fish. either find someone to feed it, which isn't happening, or take it with us, which will be really difficult. so that's a really horrible problem that i can't stop thinking about.

on another note, i can't wait to go home tomorrow. i'm so excited to see all my friends who didn't go to college, and my kitties! i love Richmond so much, and it's a great city, but nothing will compare to Alexandria + Springfield. i'm going to the first football game at my old high school tomorrow night with my boyfriend's little sister. my old high school is playing her school, so that should be fun. hopefully her stepdad will let me take my boyfriends jeep to the game, because my car is out of comission. i told my mom before i left that when i left my car was going to die, but she didn't believe me. the day that i left to move down here, it got a flat tire, and a few days after that my mom had to jumpstart it to take it to the shop. i warned her, but nooooo. i love my car, it's amazing, but boy is it a piece. i'd love to have my boyfriend's car instead.









one of my friends who still lives in Alexandria is taking me out to dinner on saturday to this really nice restaurant. i'm not really sure how i should feel about that yet. i'm looking forward to getting a free really expensive dinner, but i think that this guy might actually like me, which i'm kind of nervous about. that sounds really shallow, i apologize.