my roommate's writing her blog, and it kind of got me in the mood.
i've gotten really stressed out about school in the past 12 hours. i had my studio art class last night, and our teacher told us we had to have a roll of wire and three sets of pliers by thursday, which is tomorrow. and this poses a problem for me. because of the fact that i have $27 in my bank account, and just a little more than that on my RamBucks card, i haven't really been able to buy much. my mom and i can argue about this for hours on end, and get no where.
my mom gave me $500 dollars for graduation. and that was all the money that i got from her. yes, $500 is a lot, and yes it should have lasted me more than a month. but with buying gas, and food and everything else, it's really no wonder that it was gone as fast as it was. to be completely honest though, i have no idea how it was gone so fast. i did have a job, and i made maybe $200 a paycheck, which is nothing compared to my old job. but i spent those on something, too. i really don't know. all i know is that i'm left with $27 and at least $100 worth of supplies to buy. it's quite the predicament.
my mom and i have always been really close, in a best friends kind of way. but these past few years have been really tough. going through high school, my grades progressivly slipped as the years passed, and i was never really able to bring them up. i try to blame this on the fact that i was taking entirely IB courses, and it was really time consuming. but the truth is, i never really studied for anything. i have never really studied for anything, still. i'm not sure if it's just because i don't know how to study, or if i'm just way too lazy, but either way, it doesn't happen.
me and my boyfriend have a lot of the same personality aspects. laziness being one of them. after i had that conversation with Hawkins yesterday, i was really upset for the rest of the night. i felt like maybe i couldn't do this, and maybe it was a bad idea. but then it got worse. i got a text message from Hawkins at 9:42 last night saying "Okay don't take this the wrong way but after Wesley has been at Bragg for a week or two you need to break up with him". ... excuse me? what did this kid that i've never met before in my life just tell me to do? i realize that Hawkinds thinks that he's looking out for Wesley and that he thinks that they're really close and everything, but it is not his place to say that to me. ever. i told him that, and he apologized, after telling me not to break his heart, and that relationships that start before joining the military never work out. i told him that he better not say any of this to Wesley and try to twist my words around to make it sound like i'm thinking that it's not going to work. that was the one thing that i was really afraid of.
after that whole escapade, i called Wesley's mom to try to get some insight from someone who wasn't completely fucking retarded like Hawkins. she told me that Hawkins really knows nothing, that him and Wesley really aren't that close to begin with and i shouldn't listen to anything that he's telling me. His mom really wants us to be together for a while, which is creepy but at the same time kind of soothing. she tells me that one of her close friends has been with her husband for 17 years now, and they started dating before he went to basic. somehow that's supposed to make me feel better, but not everyone gets lucky.
hopefully everything will work out for the best. that's the last time that i talk to Hawkins though. and the next letter that i write to Wesley will be mostly about what a crazy fucker he is.