bahahhaa just in time! 11:54, yes!
anyways, i just got off the phone with my ex-boyfriend. that probably wasn't the best choice that i could have made. i'm not sure why i continue to talk to him, honestly, because it only makes it harder for me. there are some ex-boyfriends that i could care less about, like Zane and Andrew, but Mike's different. maybe because we broke up recently [within the past 3 months] or maybe it's because we'd been messing around for a long long time. or maybe it's because there's so many things that he doesn't know that i did. or maybe it's because of all the loose ends there still are. i really couldn't tell you, but it's a bad idea for me to continue talking to him. we were fighting for most of last week, and i called him just to say hey and see if we were still fighting. apparently we weren't because we talked on the phone for a good hour.
the fact of the matter is that nothing is going to change the way that i feel towards Wesley. i know that it may seem like i feel otherwise, but i swear. it's been such a long time since i've had physical contact with anyone that i'm craving it like no other. and i sort of feel like physical relations with someone has nothing to do with your emotions towards someone else. but i know that's completely wrong and actually pretty fucked up. maybe i'm just trying to justify the way that i feel.
i would never do anything to intentionally hurt Wesley ever. i'm so completely head-over-heels in love with this boy. i haven't felt the way that i feel towards him in so long. and this is so different than any other relationship i've ever been in. even though we're like 300 miles apart, i fall more in love with him everyday. i know that sounds really corny, but i hope it's in a sweet way. i would do anything for him, and i really hope that everything stays the same, and gets better, throughout these next few months. i know it's going to be really hard, but i know that i can do it. i know that i can.
writing this blog has actually made me feel a lot better. and talking to Mike on the phone for as long as i did really made me realize what a loser asshole he is. bottom line is i can't wait for october to get here, i love my boyfriend, and nothing's going to change that.