so my mom read all my blogs. that didn't go over so well. she said that she didn't really know what to say to me, and that she can't believe that i would write about these things for a class. i guess she didn't know what i was doing with my life the past few years. which is understandable because she doesn't really talk to me like she used to. i went to Belle Isle with my friend from middle school, John Chu, today, and he said, "so what happened with you and your mom? you guys used to be like best friends.." my thoughts exactly. i don't know what happened. maybe i grew up, or maybe i changed; i'm not sure. she used to say "i love you.. but i don't like you." i wish things could go back to the way that they were when i was in middle school. i know that i have a lot more responsibility now, but it was different back then. maybe she felt like when i was little, she was being a best friend and now she's trying to clean up her act and become more of a mother figure. i'm not really sure, but it's really not working for me. i thought that going to college would stop the arguing, but if she's still going to treat me like i'm in high school, then i'm not sure where our relationship is headed.
i'm going home this weekend, and once again i'm not allowed to use the car. not even to go hang out with Wesley's little sister for a few hours when my mom's not even going to be home. what's the point in me going to my house and sitting around doing nothing when she's not even going to be there? yeah, i don't know. but nonetheless, she won't fucking budge. i tried talking to her about it and she said, "are you really going to start this now? on thursday?" i guess she's right, i should wait until i actually get into my house and she's standing in front of me before i start yelling at her. that'll make more of an impact. thanks Mom.
anyways. i'm feeling incredibly on edge lately and i'm not sure why. i feel like someone can say the wrong thing to me and i'll just blow up in their face. Katie got a letter from her grandmother today, and she woke me up with this news. i had just fallen asleep. nothing against Katie, but in that moment i felt like i could have killed her. partially because i haven't gotten a letter from Wesley since.. Monday? or maybe even before that. it probably hasn't been that long, but it just feels like forever. you never know how much you miss someone until they're gone, i suppose.