tri-SARAH-tops

well after class today i'm really going to try to work on my blog more, so expect more entries. i'll try not to make them as long as they usually are because it takes a while. it's really hard not to though because i love writing a lot. oh well. here we go.

i got back to NoVA today around 3. everything's going really well. this is by far the best trip home that i've had thus far.
i'm watching a show on lifetime about this medium named Lisa. i'm trying ot figure out whether or not i believe if she's for real. i kind of feel like she is. i would never believe it until it actually happened to me though. she talks with her hands a lot. the woman that she's talking to right now is speaking through Lisa to her husband who died when he drowned. i'm not sure if i would feel good about talking to someone that i loved who had passed away. i think it would probably make me really depressed afterwards. or i would just not want her to leave. because having her be in the room with me would make me feel like i was with the person who had passed away.
i feel the same way about Criss Angel. i want to believe that all the things that he does are real because they're so fucking tight, but i can't because they make NO sense at all.
this lady Lisa is fucking crazy though. i can't imagine having such a power like that. it would be overwhelming; almost like Bruce Almighty -- the part when he gets everyone's prayers at once. i feel like if i was a medium that would be happening ALL the time. how frustrating would that be.

anyways, i'm actually really glad to be home. this past week was probably one of the most stressful weeks that i've had in a long time. i spent over 5 hours at Bowe yesterday working on art stuff and going to class. i've been stressed out that i'm not doing well in my studio classes because i've been so preoccupied with other things. i'm stressing about what i'm goign to do for Christmas break when my family has already moved to Maryland. i don't know where i'm going to stay, unless i stay at Wesley's house with him and his family. it's frustrating to not be able to have a car though. the one that i've been using for the past year is literally about to fall apart because i've driven it to it's death. the transmissions about to fall out and the clutch is pretty much broken. and i don't have a job, so i can't buy anything to fix it (or a new car..). i just feel stuck. i'm looking forward to Christmas break SO much, and it's going to suck really hard if i have no way of getting from Maryland to Virginia to see my friends and my boyfriend.
speaking of all that, i really really miss Wesley a lot. the good thing is that i've been able to talk to him a lot this past week because he's been doing Land Navigation things. it's pretty much like orienteering for girlscouts, pretty lame actually, but he's enjoying it. he's able to call home every sunday for pretty much the entire day which is pretty freaking sweet. every time i talk to him i feel like i fall just a little bit more in love with him. i think that having him be in the army makes our relationship that much better. every time we see eachother after not being together for a month or so it's like puppy love all over again. that second first kiss is probably the best thing in the entire world. i can't imagine not being with anyone else but him. i really hope that things work out between us, because i don't want to be with anyone else ever again.

i can't decide whether or not to sleep on the sofa tonight. there's a tv down here which i don't have in my room anymore, but i like my bed. but it's so quiet up there.. i don't know. i think i'm going to watch the end of this show and then go upstairs and pass out. i'm so exhausted.

i really want to see American Gangster and The Mist. god i can't wait for these next few weeks. between Thanksgiving break, and fucking Christmas break. i'm SO excited.

it just occured to me that i definately do not have enough entries in my blog. i feel funny because katie is also writing her blog right now. i guess it's whatever gets me to write.

the last entry i wrote was when i was home last. i've been going back home a lot lately, i'm not sure why. i think that it's because i'm moving soon. my mom's been with my step-dad for 4+ years now, and she's finally moving up to Rockville, Maryland with him. they've completely redone his house up there -- tile EVERYWHERE, it's all very spanish hacienda looking. i love the style of it, and i love Rockville a lot. it just seems so weird to know that i'm not going to be living in NoVA anymore. i'll have to drive 30 minutes during Christmas break just to see my friends.. and my boyfriend. that's going to be hard. i told Wesley that i wasn't going to be able to drive to Virginia everyday over Christmas break and he said that everything would work out. he said, "have i ever told you that it was going to be ok and it hasn't? no, so it's going to be fine." just as long as he doesn't buy a motorcycle.. because i'm not getting on that thing.
i'm so excited for Christmas. i'm so excited to be home with my family. to be able to spend every day with Wesley again. to be able to WORK and have money again. just everything. i can't wait for it to snow. i can't wait to go back to my highschool and mess with the security guards. they know me and katie so well.. haha it'll be so much fun.

i'm really really happy right now with my life. i really hope that everything stays the same in the next year or so. katie's talking about taking next semester off, and transferring for next year. i really hope she doesn't do that, because i'd be sad. and i'd have no one to live with. Wesley's little sister is talking about going here.. but that won't be until i'm a junior. we said we'd live together, but as of right now she's moving to North Carolina with her dad. everything's so complicated. i guess i just have to take it day by day. and stop procrastinating.

i just wrote a whole fucking blog and it got fucking deleted.

i'm so tired, so i'm just going to write the main points..

1. i'm in nova for the last time but not really because my last night is next tuesday
2. my house holds a lot of memories including: loosing my virginity, katie seeing her first penis, smoking pot for the first time, lots of drunken nights, my exboyfriend making me burn him with a cigarette (lame), being asked to be someone's girlfriend.. multiple times because i'm just that fucking popular, LOTS of things.
3. it's really cold right now.
4. i'm really excited about Christmas because of the month off of school, and the fact that i will see Wesley all day every day for 2 weeks straight. :DDDD
5. i'm also excited for Christmas because i may be going to New York City!
6. i'm actually looking forward to moving into the new house but i didn't think about leaving my old one until now. i've never moved before.. and it'll be weird.
7. i think i'm actually going to quit smoking.
8. my ipod cracked for some reason (COUGH something got fucking DROPPED on it.. COUGH COUGH) so i'm going to go to the apple store tomorrow and attempt to bargain with the people there to give me a brand new screen..
FO FREE.
9. i can't keep my eyes open.. SLEEP.

it is this past Thursday and i'm in my Space Research class. i'm standing in the hallway of Bowe Street Deck looking at another students project. it was critique day - a day where the 3 hour class is spent cracking jokes and trying to understand others concepts. i look at this students piece and think to myself "how the hell does this have anything to do with what we were assigned?" and, consequently, i ask him to explain it. he said that he had no explaination.

i'm sorry, what?

it seems wrong to me that students can be assigned a project to do a certain thing, but then are allowed to throw together stupid peices of old carpet and bags of dirty clothes and call it art. listening to the others critique this piece i wanted to scream, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" this kid put little to no effort into what he did at all, and apparently i'm the only one who could see through his bullshit careless attitude. believe it or not, i like the kid, a lot. i think he's a great guy, and he's smart and funny and all that good stuff. but he's fighting the system -- "the man", if you will. he's constantly saying, "this is art school. you're supposed to do what you want. take the projects how you want to take them and do them how you want. they can't tell you not to". FUCK THAT. we're given projects for specific reasons. you can stretch them to a point, but not that much. i squirm at the thought of him getting any higher than a D on that project. it sounds harsh, and i don't know why i feel that way. it seems ridiculous. another girl told me that art is about questions. it's about questioning what the artist meant, and making your own interpretation.

i want to skip all that. skip the intellectual shit. it is what it is. i make up "concepts" to wiggle my way out of having a completely stupid project. i think of these "concepts" when i'm done working on it. to make everyone else happy. to make it seem like i thought it through.

that class made me seriously question my desire to be an artist. i hate people who say "i don't get it" when there's nothing to get. but i hate the fact that there's nothing to get. i want to be able to look at something and know that that is what it looks like it is. i don't want some stupid hidden meaning. i don't want 100 different interpretations of the same thing. i don't want any fucking secrets.

and this is why i'm not doing any major that involves "concepts".
everyone can look at jewelry and know "this is a ring" or "this is a necklace". metal is simple. it speaks for itself.

i fucking hate art kids.
and i'm starting to hate art.

well, today is the day that i'm moving. moving out of the house that i've lived in since i was 2. the house that i don't want to move out of.
i'm in my parents room where everything that we're not packing in the truck is. this includes: the cats, the litter boxes (which makes the room smelly), the cat carriers, the cat food, a tv (on the floor), their bed (also on the floor), and a hamper. it's pretty empty.
if you've ever moved cats, or had cats at all, really, you know how difficult they can get. Babs, the oldest cat that we have, has just now layed down next to me after 2 vigurous hours of scratching at the bottom of the door. Murry, the youngest, has now stopped clawing at the bottom of the bed attempting to get under it. i guess he doesn't see that it's sitting right on the floor. what a retard. Mitzi, the middle, is unlike everyone else. she's in the bathroom, in the cabinet probably sleeping. she's being good. i went in there to see her and she seemed like she wasn't scared at all.

supposedly this moving process is going to take a total of 9 hours. that means from now until 5 o'clock in the afternoon. i'm leaving for North Carolina tonight around 9, and i won't be coming back until Saturday night. that's much longer than i had expected and i don't think that my mom's really too happy about it. but to be completely honest, she's too occupied with the move to think about anything else. i guess that's good.. i'm excited to be able to have Thanksgiving with my boyfriend and his family.
but like i was saying, the move is apparently going to take 9 hours. i have to stay in this room for that entire time. 9 hours in one room. i don't think that's going to work. i need to go to the Apple store to get my iPod fixed because SOMEONE broke it (i'm not sure who.. but i know someone did). i need to take a shower, and i need to get ready to leave. i'm not really packed at all for Fayetteville and i need to do that. but if i even go near the door, the cats flip out and try to get through the door. GAY.
my toe hurts so i'm going to take my sock off and see what the deal is.