east coast time 0:30
Poetry is what gets lost in translation.
——by Robert Frost
Just now I translated an ancient Chinese poem (for my paper). It was really difficult! (I had translated a contemporary Chinese poem into English before, which was longer than this one, but easier to translate.)
However, it’s still my proud work. Please comment if you read——Any suggestions? What do you think of it? And if there are any mistakes, don’t hesitate to point them out! (^_^)
Jiangchengzi (江城子)
by Su Shi (苏轼)
十年生死两茫茫，
For ten years, the living and dead are dissevered.
不思量，自难忘。
I don’t try to remember, but forgetting is hard.
千里孤坟，
The lonely grave is thousands miles apart,
无处话凄凉。
Nowhere can I talk of my sorrow heart.
纵使相逢应不识，
Even if we meet, you won’t recognize me.
尘满面，
For time has made my face covered with dust,
鬓如霜。
And my white hair looks like frost.
夜来幽梦忽还乡，
In a night dream, suddenly I was home.
小轩窗，正梳妆。
Saw you making up by the window of the little room.
相顾无言，
We looked at each other with no words,
惟有泪千行。
Only with thousands lines of tears.
料得年年肠断处，
I can foresee the place that will break my heart year after year,
明月夜，
Under the moon that is bright and clear,
短松冈。
On the hillock covered with pines there.
Comments (2328)
翻译的原则信、达、雅三者中，第一点你相对做的好些，第二点也还可以。再提出以下建议：
1.第一句用（过去或现在）完成时态for ten years,可能更有动感;
2.第二句见上一次的点评；
3.第四句的倒装句用得不错；
4.第六第七句见上次点评。
我查了一下别人翻的毛的诗，倒装句用得很多.因为平时不太注意这方面的修辞手法，故以上建议仅供参考。
Posted by mama | July 31, 2007 12:36 PM
Posted on July 31, 2007 12:36
I agree with you that it's difficult to translate an ancient Chinese poem. You are not easy. After read the translation, I have some idea:
1.The meaning of the poem has been translated correctly, I think.
2. Please note tense and time, like "Face covered with dust,
Hair looks like frost."
3. I don't know if more than one subjects could been used in on sentence or not, for example "I don’t try to remember, but forgetting is hard".
"The Writing of English", written by Ge Chuangui, may be useful for you.
Posted by mama | August 2, 2007 8:30 AM
Posted on August 2, 2007 08:30
You are a brave girl!But I'm not brave enough (and I'm not good enough)to comment.Anyway it's a good way to show your understanding of both Chinese and En. I just wanna say, not everyone can do that.
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